Through the voice of Damini: I want to live …….mamma!

alone-aloof-clouds-girl-heaven-melancholy-Favim

It seems like it was yesterday, when I was my dad’s queen and mamma’s doll. My younger brothers, who made me their role model, were my darling kidos! It was an amazing part of my life when I was living the dream of my parents and mine as well. To become a physiotherapist! We were more than a happy family, we were together.

And then……something happened that shook me, you and the entire nation. Something which shouldn’t have happened, something that took my pride, my dignity and my life! I was walking through the streets of Delhi, without knowing that it is the last walk of my life. As soon as I boarded the bus, they started assaulting me like animals. I was despoiled, abducted, abused and dishonored. I cried through the bottom of my heart, every bit of me cried out for help. They threw me out of the bus after they were done. I was lying on the road, half dead! I blacked out with all the thoughts in my mind. Thoughts like I had so much to do in life, I wanted to be a wonderful daughter to my parents, wanted to make them proud, wanted to chase my dreams and inflame them, and damn I wanted to live my life. The next time I retrieved my senses, I was in a medical room, fighting for life. Though it was difficult for me to hear something but the rage outside was so loud that it struck my half dead brain. I heard people saying big things, media asking people ‘what do you think about a girl’s security in this nation?”. “What do you have to say about the rape?” There was a loud uproar outside! Loud to an extent that it overpowered the most important voice- My Voice! Saying….I want to live my life.

I was ashamed, not because I was despoiled. But because I lived in a country where perpetrators live and victims die, a land whose mothers and daughters are not safe. Whom are we supposed to blame? Our system, oh yes sure. Some mindless creatures in our government claim that wearing jeans, using cell phones and walking late night are the reasons for rapes. No, they are not! The reasons are the men who rape, murder and get along. Who think of women as ‘something and not someone’. Lack of respect for women in this patriarchal system is the reason.

And why just the government?

We ourselves are the foremost reasons for letting such things happen. Our being complacent with the happenings around us till crime takes such a dreadful shape. Our waiting for someone to sacrifice. We fear every day, we suffer and don’t complain. Some torture and some get tortured. Most of us think exactly as some of our mindless leaders, that if a girl is out late night it’s her mistake. We are still conservative and want us to be called as a developed nation. I was ashamed and broken. I never wanted to sing my national anthem again.

And with all these thoughts in my mind…..my soul left my body! I died. With a hope that at least this will change something. Yes it did, but for not more than a few days! And now, when I see things from above, I feel miserable. People are again busy in their lives, our leaders preparing for next elections and girls still getting assaulted. Not that I want people to moan all their lives for me, but I wanted them to justify my death. Justify my death (if not life) by not letting such things happen ever gain. By telling rapists that rape is not an aberration, it is not a mistake! Nothing like this happened. I am gone forever without living my life, without making my parents proud and without giving them a great life.

I am dead…but my death changed nothing. Nothing Absolutely!

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